How to deal when you’ve had no sleep

We have been through many of these phases before. Screams welcome us to a new dawn — or not even close to dawn yet — and we’re bleary-eyed, dragging our feet and flagging from the get go.

How on earth do we deal with these days where the amount of “sleep” you got the night before was laughable?

Stick to healthy habits today even though they may not be appealing

For the most part, these are all things we know we should be doing anyway. But actually doing these things will make a huge difference in how you feel today. You will feel more nourished and able to deal rather than reactionary from sugar and caffeine highs and lows.

• Lots of protein for breakfast and throughout the day, especially for breakfast and lunch
• Guzzle all the water. The oxygen in it is good and will flush out the nasty feelings.
• B complex vitamins. Get methylated ones if you can because your body can use them better if you have an MTHFR mutation. They’re like coffee without the crash and plus, your body needs them anyway. Caffeine can stress your body so it’s not ideal to have it at this time.
• Eat all the fruit and veg. Or heck, if you have a blender, make yourself an awesome veggie and fruit smoothie. That is if your kid doesn’t cry because they’re afraid of it. Yep, that’s us right now!
• If you have freezer meals, USE THEM. This is a great time to pull those out so your exhausted brain doesn’t have to think of one more thing. It’s fatigued enough, don’t overload it with decision fatigue too.
• Get gentle exercise early on, outdoors if possible. Ideally? 15-30 minutes of slow walking, ambling, meandering outside.

Dealing with the mental anguish of lost sleep

I found this really hard to deal with, especially in the first 6 months of being a parent. It’s really easy to say these recommendations, but much harder to put them into practice, not to mention actually making them a habit so they’re the norm rather than the exception. It’s not as sexy or Instagrammable as the food, drink and exercise recommendations, but your mindset just as important as the healthy habits I listed above, if not more important.

• Don’t get angry as frustrating as it can be. It’s not your kid’s fault, and it’s guaranteed you did this to someone else at one point when you were little. My mantra when I’m exhausted (on repeat during the newborn/baby phase) was “someone did this for you” which totally puts things in perspective for me. Plus it shifts your potentially annoyed/frustrated mindset into one of gratitude which goes a long way to having a more positive outlook.
• Acceptance. Last night or early this morning is what it is. Much as you’d love to, you can’t change it. It’s happened. The sleep was horrific or non-existent. Shit got real. You might even be crying from sleep deprivation with your child. Breathe in, breathe out, accept that this is where you are in this moment.
• Give yourself grace. Don’t expect to work to any kind of ambitious to-do list and be wonder woman today. Let things slip and be gentle with yourself. This is a phase, and tomorrow or some time during the weekend and next week may be a better time to do that really ambitious thing (like the laundry or the dishes, am I right?).

It’s hard to change your habits, especially if they’re ingrained, but just think about how much better you’ll feel if you try to thrive with a positive mindset despite the circumstances rather than play the victim and get stuck in a negative mindset. You’ll show up a lot better as a mother for your kid(s) and will be a great role model for a growth mindset for your little (and not so little) ones. Everyone knows that we all have easy days and difficult days, but it’s your choices that dictate how your day plays out!

Treat yo’self… but not with sugar or caffeine

• Uplifting scents. Wear your favorite perfume, diffuse sweet orange, grapefruit or lemon essential oil in a diffuser. Light your favorite scented candle. Smell can really change your mood!
• Meet up with a friend, if you can. If not, try to Face time or WhatsApp a friend or family member.
• Music! Is my favorite pick-me-up. Have a playlist with music that makes you feel good and dance your little heart out with your kiddo.
• Make a nice cuppa something decaf. Buy some decaf tea or coffee, but get really nice stuff. Make it a ritual and a nice treat. I love peppermint or lemon balm after a crappy night’s sleep.

At the end of the day (and my goodness, it will feel long), you will feel so proud of yourself if you focus on one or two of the tips above. Even baby steps matter and will accumulate.

Anybody else have any other tips that they use to deal with the sleep deprivation?

Sunday Snapshot 29/04/18

We’ve just one of those weeks where all 3 of us are exhausted, but we just keep pushing on.

Hubby is training for a charity bike ride via work, but since those who have arranged it are shockingly disorganized, he still has no details aside from the day and that they’re biking 80ish miles from Leeds back to their office. He’s only a month to prepare, which means he’s been really having to go all out instead of doing any steady progression. Last weekend saw me picking him up at a semi-local gardening center because he ran out of energy, had no food left, his blood sugars were extremely low and there was nowhere nearby to buy more sustenance. Cue me getting the munchkin in the car around the time I was due to start dinner and racing to go meet up with him. Luckily he was fine aside from having to gorge down carbs like no tomorrow. Then we threw the bike in the back, ate a few Nairn’s oatcakes (seriously, we should buy stock in them, we are probably putting their kids through uni) between the 3 of us and went on our merry way back home.

All 3 of us have taken it in turns to feel a little rough this week. I’ve lucked out out of the lot, but hubby is suffering big time from all the physical exertion plus bug.

I actually worked a full week (ie also did Monday) last week for the first time in… a while. I typically stay at home on Mondays with the munchkin, but tell the agency I work for that I can do Mondays if they give me prior notice. They did, so I worked. It was pretty shattering. Good to have the extra money, seeing as I didn’t get much the previous week and before that was 2 weeks of Easter holidays, but still. I really love having that day with just the two of us and it helps to get me set up for the week ahead. Plus, I get a chance to go to the local NCT meet up, which is something I desperately need for my mental health. So, in my infinite wisdom I was asked this Friday if I could do Monday again and what did I say? Yes. Facepalm.

Note to self: say no. I’m thinking about taking that caveat off the table for now on, because working that one extra day really has a noticeable impact on my wellbeing, as stupid as it sounds. And yeah, I know that sounds a bit selfish, but if I’m not going to look after my own wellbeing, who will?

I’ve done the working full time thing with a small child and hated it. I used to be the breadwinner for a number of years. Luckily we intentionally made/make choices to put ourself in a strong enough financial position that we don’t need to have me working full time. We’re doing fine financially, so why do I agonize over not working an extra day here and there?

Kiddo’s last set of molars are giving him grief. Plus 2 year sleep regression. Plus probably a sore throat as well, and if not that, at least some pain, maybe sinuses. Lots of fun. Early mornings, fighting bedtime because he wants to stay up and party with us and broken sleep, but nothing crazy or intense, just not ideal. We’ve stocked up on larger sized amber anklets and teething cheek oil for him from Amber Pumpkin to help with the teeth and got more Nurofen on sale at Aldi. Of course, when the pain gets too intense (like it did this morning), that gets fun because poor thing completely lost it. For a long time medicine giving and vitamin giving was an issue for us, until we discovered if I pretended to have some and say “mummy’s turn!”, “now your turn!”, that it worked first time 80% of the time like a charm. Alas, that did not work this morning and we had him crying his little eyes out and screaming. Poor kid. Eventually got it in him and he had his dummy as well, but it was not an easy time for any of us! While liquid ibuprofen is great, unfortunately you can’t really buy anything to help with the sleep regression, you just gotta stay consistent and ride it out, or so the internet says.

But the snapshot for this week! We discovered that Granny still has an old scooter of my nephew’s in the shed, so we got it out for him yesterday afternoon. He took it in turns riding it like a chopper, standing either side of the plank and walking it around a bit like a balance bike, and just walking it while standing off to one side. It was an enormous hit for our vehicle obsessed munchkin.

 

Mama dating: connecting with other mamas

Sometimes I wish I could walk around with this sticker on me.

Put all of my cards on the table and cut through the uncertainty to find other mamas who are also looking for friends. Why? Because…

Lack of connection is the worst. thing. ever. 

Mama life can feel so scary if you feel like you’re all alone. Especially if you’re new to your area or if you live far from where you grew up. Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one in the world who doesn’t have this huge network of people who live close by who are totally ready to be your cheerleader or listen to you word vomit over a cuppa.

I found this the hardest part of going back after maternity leave. I felt like my support systems were cut off cold turkey and longed for them. There weren’t any others at my job who were in the same situation as me or had recently been on maternity leave. Everyone was so busy at work on their own little metaphorical treadmill. Plus, they wanted to talk about other things other than my kid (understandable), but sometimes I needed to be able to relate and talk about him and felt like I couldn’t.

Why is this so much scarier as an adult? 

We’re worried about feeling judged by others. We are programmed psychologically to seek things and situations that make us feel safe. I don’t know about you, but my anxiety can go haywire when you attempt to do anything different at times, even if you know that ultimately it’s for your own good. I’ve read that all humans psychologically are this way, but sometimes you feel like you’re the only one with this affliction!

As a society, we’re connected on social media, but in real life, where it counts, we are so physically and emotionally disconnected from one another. Most of us don’t have the close knit communities that our hunter-gatherer ancestors had eons ago.

If you’ve gone back to work, you’re busy trying to make ends meet and adjust to this new life of working and parenting as well. You are stretched so thin that having yet another thing on your plate.

Ultimately, I think that we don’t want to waste our very precious time and effort just to have someone make us feel like we’re not wanted.

Making it easier to connect

Prenatal exercise classes

This is something I didn’t do when pregnant, but I will definitely do this next time should we be lucky enough to have a next time! I considered it when I was pregnant with my son, but a friend said that our local prenatal yoga class wasn’t really much of a workout, so I didn’t even give it a try. I figured that based on what she said that it wouldn’t be worth the money. It may require funds at a time that you’re worried how you’re going to cope with paltry maternity pay, but with hindsight, I reckon it would be so worth it. You’re paying for more than just accelerated heart rate in that respect.

I knew no other pregnant women while I was pregnant, so it would have been lovely to connect with others and share our gripes. I was already doing this on my Babycentre Birth Club message boards, but there’s something unique about conversing with humans in real life!

Baby and toddler groups

If you’re in the UK, check out the NCT, your local SureStart Children’s Centres and classes.

I hadn’t really thought about this in the newborn haze until it was mentioned by my Health Visitor at my 3 week visit that I should start getting out more and meeting other mums. It was a massively daunting concept trying to get out of the house with a new baby, but I was so thankful that her words gave me the push to put myself out there. I met many mums in those first few weeks that I felt very connected to and instantly became a very familiar face at our local children’s centre. We also have done Moo Music and Tiny Talk (baby signing) in the past as well and have met some great mums and children through there!

Adult education classes

If your kiddo is at the age where you can get away in the evening, then take that opportunity with both hands! I have met some great people in my local adult education center’s sewing class. Many times these are run out of high schools or 6th forms that are trying to earn extra income at night. They are reasonably priced and if you can find one close to you, you’ll find lots of interesting local people. Plus, if you’re shy or have anxiety about speaking to new people, having a guaranteed set amount of weeks with the same people gives you time to gradually come out of your shell and eventually come out of your comfort zone in a very safe way.

Local Facebook groups

Facebook is a total time sink at times, but I’ve equally found it to be an excellent resource to find events that are going on locally based on your interests. Search for your local area, either your town or county and see what comes up! I’m in a local parenting group and a babywearing one (although we don’t use the carrier hardly at all anymore these days) and they’re full of fantastic women. You can also hear a lot about local free events to boot! There are some brilliant second hand baby and child gear sales that I’ve only heard about because it was on Facebook.

Mush app

I heard about this at my Tiny Talk class on a flyer last year and downloaded it immediately. There didn’t used to be very many people on there, but it is definitely growing in size. It’s neat to see how many other mums out there want to connect with someone. There are lots of great features like seeing how close they are, ages of their kids, when they’re available, whether they work and if so, how often. I’ve chatted with some lovely mums on there and even connecting with one whose son is at the same nursery (and in the same room) as the munchkin!

The cliques. 

Much as it pains me to say it, these still exist into adulthood. Personally, if I feel like a situation is too cliquey, it turns me right off and I’m unlikely to find myself in that same place again.

Even as a young girl, I despised cliques and avoid them like the plague. It’s totally not worth it and they just zap your energy if you try to fit in or impress them. Do your own thing and don’t feel like you need to integrate with people who you can’t interact with authentically.

My experience — the best way to find mama friends

Take it slow. Make one comment in a group. Send one message on Mush. Contribute one thing on Facebook. Build up your confidence so that you don’t feel the intensity of anxiousness or the scary “not good enough” feelings. Taking active steps towards integrating yourself more will build your confidence slowly over time. I know it’s easier said than done and terrifying to put yourself out there at times, but building up your own community is so worthwhile.

I’m not perfect, so I”m trying to take my own advice

This is totally something I’m working on and I’ve been striving to improve.

I was fairly good at connecting with new women while on maternity leave, but admittedly, I didn’t get vulnerable enough to take the leap and exchange contact details or invite any of these mamas out for a cuppa. So, in short, I didn’t convert any of those acquaintances into actual friendships, which has been so disheartening for me. It felt like such a wasted opportunity, but I felt like I had so much more time to do that than I actually had. I kept putting it off. Honestly? I was waiting for someone else to make the move so I didn’t have to. That didn’t work out so well for me though, so I’m essentially starting over from scratch.

 

How have you found meeting mom/mum/mama friends?